Canadian psychologists can gain valuable insights into working with death, illness, and loss. This article by an experienced psychotherapist with 20+ years in the field emphasizes the profound impact and rewards of this therapeutic area. Understand that grief is not one-size-fits-all and learn to guide clients through their unique experiences, using a case study of a client's emotional journey post-cancer remission and her family's differing reactions.
Many practitioners shy away from working with death, illness and loss, and I don't blame them! Therapists have told me that they are frightened of ' going into the dark ' with their clients. I am here to let you know that working with people affected by death, illness and loss is the most meaningful work, and with support you can do this too! As a published author, clinical supervisor, lecturer and psychotherapist I have over two decades experience working with this client population. I can say that there is certainly no ' one right way ' to grieve. Each person responds in their own unique way to death, illness and loss.
Let's look at illness for one moment. People can get very confused by the their unwell family member. Here is an example: Claire ( name changed for anonymity ) had several rounds of chemotherapy after a mastectomy as she had breast cancer. Claire found her therapy sessions with me beneficial as she found therapy to be a safe space where she could explore her feelings around her experience. She was able to hear herself out loud without judgment, and she allowed me to witness her pain and grief. Others around her could not quite understand how she was grieving the body she once had. She was grieving the pace of life she had, and her identity, as she would for now not be able to return to her job which she loved so much. Claire was able to see that her family loved and cared for her, but did not understand her. They were thrilled when she got the all clear, and was finally in remission. This is when Claire's therapy turned a corner, now she could really face her experience without holding her breath. She could know fully feel the weight of her back to back appointments, medical trauma and illness. Her family were jumping with excitement that she was finally ok. Yet, Claire was in a very different place emotionally from them. This is a very common example of the disconnect between the patient and family members. People make assumptions, it is a natural part of being human. Yet, as practitioner's we must pay attention and suspend our judgments, listen in to what our client is saying, and what is under the words they use.
Some people would naturally think, that when a family member dies, everyone will mourn in the same way. Here is another example. Tracey's uncle Jim died when she was age 19 years old, Tracey's brothers, and parents were devastated. Jim was a likeable guy who was always around the family helping out, and was so close to everyone. Whilst everyone else was very emotional and took the sudden loss of Jim in a hard way, Tracey felt numb. She was quiet yet distant, and no one in her family understood her reaction. This is when Tracey sought support. In therapy Tracey was able to divulge that Jim abused her from the age of 15-19 and no-one knew, she could not share it with anyone. Here , again we see that we must not follow our natural assumptions and judgments.
My course working with death, illness and loss covers the concept of making assumptions and much more.
Working with Death, Illness and Loss